Why is self-promotion so hard?

As someone who spent the first part of my career promoting other people’s businesses, I thought when it came to my own promo it would be a breeze. I was not prepared for the massive mindset issues that face people running their own business and doing their own marketing and PR. It’s something that comes up a lot with people I work with too, now my clients tend to be smaller and independent business (and often, but not always, run by women).

I can confidently say it is much harder doing your own promotion that anyone else’s. Our egos get in the way and we think we are being too much or showing off. Plus, we take everything extremely personally and it feels like a personal attack if things flop.

Then there is all the external stuff – the constant narratives we see about women who apparently flew too close to the sun. It’s a good thing that the era of the girlboss is coming to an end, and a lot of these stories are routed in bad practice, but are we harder on women in the spotlight than we are on men? Or is it just a better story when a woman messes up?

Then there is the trolling women face. I had my first experience of (mild) trolling this month. After a piece I wrote about gendered school uniform was published on Metro, I got comments on my views, appearance and gender. I wasn’t surprised, gender is a controversial issue, but interestingly it was almost exclusively men who sent negative comments, and most of these were about how I was different from them.

I don’t really care about those comments, but it is really important to think about the sexist, racist, ableist and homophobic abuse that people face every day when they put themselves out there. I don’t think simply telling people to be brave and show up is all that helpful, particularly coming from people who hold enormous privilege and who can’t ever comprehend the possible outcomes of doing that.

When we become a public business, we are facing judgement from not only strangers on the internet, but also people we school with, our ex-partners or old colleagues. It is sometimes terrifying to put yourself out there. We worry we’re not qualified, are going to get cancelled, get trolled or mess up in some devastating way.

So, what’s the solution? I don’t think it’s just to shout louder or ‘make more reels’. It’s a complicated and difficult topic that can’t be answered in a simple sound bite. You don’t need to shout from the rooftops or put everything on display – find the the things that work for you.

The fear of a massive take down or cancelation is probably in your head though. You aren’t a huge multinational co-operation (yet) and unless you are doing something really awful there won’t be a undercover operation to take you down. Ironically, it’s probably the businesses doing very questionable things that don’t think twice about promoting themselves.

You’ll feel better if you keep your work and your marketing honest and legitimate – don’t claim to be anything you’re not, don’t copy other people’s content, treat your customers well and do things by the book. Self-promotion is hard for all of us. Surround yourself with people who will support you, be kind and gentle with others and yourself, and it might feel just a bit easier.